There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My feet surprised me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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