Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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