At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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