dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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