Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
