John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
