i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
