I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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