I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
