I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
