i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
