Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
