She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
