Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
