i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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