don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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