She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
