Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
