This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
