why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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