The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
