Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
