She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
