my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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