She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
