I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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