I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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