I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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