I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
