I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
