I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
