Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
