How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
