Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
