nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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