I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
