My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
