I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
