Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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