i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
