'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
