Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
