I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
