positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
