heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
