You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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