This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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