Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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