I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
