he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
