my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
