Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
