There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
